CONTACT ME:
Writing from Alter-Space
  • Home
    • Free Read: An Angel in the Mirror
  • Books
    • The Nightmarist and Other Stories
    • Exodus Sequence >
      • Wired
      • Reflected
      • Walked
      • Spooked
      • Suicided
      • Crashed
      • Woken
      • Experienced
      • Caged
      • Drowned
    • Exodus Sequence 2 >
      • Shattered
    • Fleet Quintet >
      • Transference
      • Flesh for Sale
      • V. Gomenzi
      • Commences
    • A Doorway into Ultra
    • Diamonds on the Moon
    • Clarendon House Anthologies
    • Microfiction
  • Blog

Tortured by Life

8/21/2015

0 Comments

 
Every aspect of the universe seems to be torturing me.  There are two enormous drills going in the flat downstairs as they attempt to break into the bowels of hell, but the kind of drills where they never stop, so it's not like drilling a hole in the wall to put up a shelf;  it's holding a drill to the floor and keeping it there for hours on end until everyone within earshot has gone completely and utterly fucking mad.
So why don't I get out the flat and run away?  Because I've been sick for two days and my knees are like rubber and I have all the strength of a bulldozed kitten.  Also, it's about a zillion degrees outside which means that my local squares will be jam-packed with half naked flesh and fuckwits playing football and shouting a lot.  So, literally, nowhere to go.
It's been a week since I decided to take a break from my novel, a week in which the truth has, so to speak, dawned on me:  the novel isn't working.  It's garbage.  I've wasted eight months of this year on this thing, the novel that was going to Make My Name and Win Prizes.  It was the novel that I was dying to write, that was going to be an Expression Of My True Self.  Except that it's pointless, tedious, dull, empty, full of plot holes, has no romantic tension, isn't sexy enough, isn't exciting enough, brushes by Great Topics without saying anything new, and has so many constraints that it's pretty much only about air.  
The hero's character is so underdeveloped he's only marginally more interesting than a mark on the wall.  I've been so terrified of turning him into a stereotype that he's ended up with no character at all.
Virtually nothing happens except grass growing which, the last time I looked, isn't very interesting.
The Deep and Meaningful topics I wanted to discuss have wandered off and getting on with life without me.
Everyone else is doing the same thing only about a hundred trillion times better.
What have I done?  How could I think I was a writer?  The fact that I don't sell any books is surely an indicator.  My writing sucks.  I'm not a writer at all.  How the fuck did I ever kid myself that I was?
When the drillers hit hell, perhaps I should jump in.
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    I live in Bloomsbury.
    I write.
    Sometimes it goes quite well.

    ​

    FOLLOW
    You can follow
    Diary of a
    Bloomsbury Writer
     
    on ​
    ​wordpress.com
    where it's called
    Writing from
    ​Alter-Space

    ​​

    Archives

    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015

    Categories

    All
    Commences
    Everlast
    Lent
    Life
    Life In Bloomsbury
    My Coronavirus Diary
    New Novel
    On Editing
    On Publishing
    On Writing
    Review
    Second Draft
    The Difficult Novel
    The End
    Writing Tips

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from Markus Trienke, eflon, Larry Smith2010, __MaRiNa__, elminium, InvictusOU812, PaulBalfe, Rina Pitucci (Tilling 67), ANBerlin [Ondré], Sumriana Babyana, stevecadman, Darling Starlings, Saku Takakusaki, Rubén Díaz Caviedes, Ric Capucho, aquigabo!, Key Foster, Mrs Airwolfhound, my little red suitcase, Joe Le Merou, freestock.ca ♡ dare to share beauty, bluebirdsandteapots, the bridge, Flower Power girl, Sharon & Nikki McCutcheon, chakchouka, archer10 (Dennis) 85M Views, this lyre lark, Secret Pilgrim, Hunky Punk, waaanderlust, takkle K, michaelmueller410, paweesit, Rick Camacho, Gidzy, J.J. Verhoef, Honza M., HDValentin, kthypryn, Pfauenauge *back to school...on and off*, diana_robinson, indigoMood, enrico.pighetti, Maria Eklind, timsackton, docoverachiever, Sharon & Nikki McCutcheon, bjpcorp, matty_gibbon, katya_alagich